Friday, May 28, 2010

Long Time No Write

Boy, I'm terrible at this blogging thing. I never seem to do it regularly. Alot like my journals. I wonder why I can't commit to journals. They help me, I know they do. I always feel better after I write. So why not just do it. I suppose it's like starting to exercise or quiting smoking. Something that is a habit tends to stay a habit and something thats not tends to stay that way too. Like the law of inertia.

Anyway I'm back and I'm off work and alone for a few days so I might really write. Let the rambling begin.......

I recall very few memories from my younger years. Lately, however, my memories as an adult are so vivid I can hardly tell the difference between them and reality. I'll be walking the line at the motor pool and suddenly, if only for a second, I see a familiar Korean street. I hear the mummer of a language I never really learned to understand. The smell and wet heat of the food vendor tents. I'm surrounded but vivid color and smiling people. Then in a flash the Korean street is gone. I'm left with beating sun, gray pavement and the stench of exhaust. Oklahoma is a stale wasteland in comparison to the crowded streets of Seoul. I would chock it up to simply missing that extraordinary experience, but it happens other times. Driving in the car I'll relive a 2 year gone fight I had with and old boyfriend. Isn't your memory suppose to get worse as you age. Mine seems to be getting uncomfortably better.

Maybe this is a symptom of my efforts to let go of past pain. The Korea thing might actually be me missing Korea, or Pittsburgh, or any where but here. I don't really like to bash places, cause I know to someone somewhere that place is home and perfect. But Oklahoma doesn't even bare a pasting resemblance to any home I've ever known. It's either too cold or too hot. The wind doesn't blow it hits you like you wronged it in a past life. Then there is the oh-so-fun Tornado season, and the gratuitous amount of bugs.

Home to me is temperate, mountainous, densely forested, and close to a major metropolitan area. Not sure I'll ever be truly happy anywhere else. And to cap all this off I have this to say.......